I had a sweet friend remind me recently that grief, although it is part of my story, is not my identity. Just because this is my current season does not mean my story is over. There is still room for it to grow and, dare I say, flourish.
So that’s what I’m doing: finding the micro-joys that help me survive this macro-grief. I titled this particular post “Fighting for Joy” because when grief is this loud, joy does not always come naturally. But I do know the fight to push through is more than worth it.
The fight may be hard, but there’s nothing a leisurely walk, a fresh cup of coffee, or a SEC football game can’t soothe. Or even simply being with my people. I like to think of them as God with skin on, because that’s what they have been to me this past year—a literal lifeline. The Lord works in so many ways, and I am just grateful that I get to experience His kindness through the kindness of others.
I feel like I have been bracing for impact as we approach the one year anniversary of Lee’s homegoing. There have been so many milestones to muddle through. As year two without my honey approaches, I find myself reading back through the cards I received in the days and weeks after. They have been like a salve for my soul, reminding me just how deeply the people around me care about me.
There are times when I feel like I am not deserving of such care. But then I remember the passage in Galatians that tells us to bear one another’s burdens. And I finally understand why God calls us to that as believers.
We are not meant to do life alone. I firmly believe that our Father puts people in our lives so that we can face the trials of a broken world together.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” | Galatians 6:2
As I navigate life without my husband, I try to see it through the lens of how I believe he would want me to continue living: giving my all to raise our girls, embracing each day that I’m given, and recognizing every breath in my lungs as a blessing.
I’m learning that life can still hold genuine laughter and love in ways I once thought were no longer possible. I’ve been surprised by the connections I’ve made and the moments that have reminded me that my heart is still capable of feeling deeply. I’m doing my best to lean into those people and moments to welcome that depth of love back into my life.
Sure, there are days when I am filled with a debilitating sense of dread. There are others when I am filled with such a deep sense of calm that I can’t help but share it with everyone I come into contact with. Those are the days when the fight for joy has been won, and I can rest in that victory until the next wave hits me.
My prayer is that as these waves continue to crash over me (because Lord knows they will!), I can lean into God’s promises even more. May His hand of comfort remind me that my life, or my story, is far from over.
I still have so much love and joy left to experience and share. I hope to be able to bless others in spite of the burden of grief.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” | James 1:2–4
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