Grace in Wilderness

The last few days following Easter have felt less hopeful than I remember in years past.

The celebration day of eternal victory over the grave is done, the flowers are already starting to wilt, and real life kind of settles back into its usual rhythm. This is the part that feels a bit heavier for me this time around.

On the one hand, I do believe the Good News. I believe Jesus is risen. I believe death isn’t the end. I believe there is more waiting for us than we can even begin to imagine. On the other, I miss Lee. A LOT. If I’m being completely honest, my grief is trying to drown out the promise of Heaven. It’s wild how I can believe something so fully and still struggle to feel it on a daily basis.

The Bible says death doesn’t have the final say because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. I hold onto that truth. But some days all I can think about is what I’ve lost, not what my love has gained. And the tension is just plain hard.

Heaven feels real to me. No doubt about that. But it also feels far away at times. Like how am I supposed to fully understand a place so eternal and perfect when I’m living in a world that is so broken and lost?

We live in this strange in-between where both things can exist at once. Deep love and deep loss. Hope and heartbreak sitting right next to each other. There are moments that feel so heavy. The milestones, the reminders, the missing. And then there are those moments that feel almost “normal” and those are just as heavy.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.” | Revelation 21:4

I keep returning to that promise again and again, despite the fact that my heart is taking its sweet time to catch up with what I already know to be true.

I don’t think I’m supposed to understand how the Almighty is moving. I think I’m just supposed to trust Him that this isn’t really the end (spoiler alert: it’s not). That He knows what comes next. That my pain won’t always feel this sharp. That victory might look more like taking one step at a time versus a major breakthrough.

Until that day comes, like a thief in the night when He returns for His bride, I’m just gonna keep on grieving and believing.

Forever trusting in my God.

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